Caring for my elderly mother for the past
several years, I turned to books for information and
relaxation as I often do when facing new situations.
Along with The 36-Hour
Day by Nancy L. Mace, M.A., and
Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H. and the
Caregivers’ Support Group of the Bureau of Aging, Passages in Caregiving,
Turning Chaos into Confidence by Gail Sheehy , helped me adjust to changes
and challenges in my role as caregiver.
I read most of the book more than a year ago and
occasionally referred back to it. I was able to relate to the stories of Sheehy’s
personal experiences in caring for her husband, Clay Felker (a journalist,
editor, magazine pioneer, educator), and the experiences of friends and
associates who were “inventive caregivers.”
Luckily, I had a wonderful, busy day with my mother on a recent Tuesday:
lunch out and shopping before her blood test at the cuomodin clinic. Then an
ice cream sundae afterward. We had a good evening, before she went to bed,
early as usual. The next morning, I took my shower, prepared our breakfast and
went to call her at 7:00 am. I found her body in bed, but her spirit was gone.
Even with all the preparation and study, I was not ready for
this loss. Panic, confusion, despair and a desperate sadness took over. Thank
goodness, my brothers and daughter responded quickly to support me.
Sister-in-laws, other family members and friends also shared my sadness.
Mom was a happy, active 89 year old, known for her red hair
and her smile. She is now at rest, but I still yearn for her presence. Although caring for her was getting more and
more difficult, the love she gave back made it all worthwhile. Books such as
Sheehy’s helped me care for my mother and helped make our final years together
good ones.
As good as the book was, I couldn’t read Sheehy’s eighth
section, “The Long Goodbye,” until after Mom’s death. I wasn’t ready to read
the sections on Letting Go, Finding Myself Again, and The Crisis of
Impermanance, nor to think about life without Mom. But we can’t play God. No
matter what we do, our life can change in a moment.
I would recommend this well written book to anyone providing
care for a loved one. Sheehy is the New
York Times bestselling author of Passages,
as well as at least 15 other books. Others may find help through this book. At
the end are resources and hotlines for caregivers, hospice programs, and
palliative care programs.
